200 OK

I’m not ordering one i’m far to fat already but did get a Dominos menu in the post and decided to torture my self with what i’d get deal wise. Now this is fucking sad and after working it out I may just change my mind and bloody order one! Sometimes I am an epic nerd and this is one of those times

Its all about the area with pizza deals, you need to know this information when picking a deal I shall give you an example to work from.

Current deals:

Any pizza (large then) and garlic bread £10.99

Any pizza from the menu, get another free.

This leaves you with a dilemma, Small pizzas are normally £10.99 (the nice ones) so what deal do you go for? This could be a life changing experience and the sheer stress of making a decision could drive a lesser human entirely insane, not me… I have Google.

So I worked out the various total surface area of pizza in these two deals.

A = π  * (r²)

So the area of a circle (pizza) is PI (3.14) time the Radius (half the diameter, the diameter is the length from middle to middle) squared.

First Deal:

So a large pizza is 13.5″

So this is 3.14*(6.75*6.75) or 3.14 * 45.56

This equals: 143.07″

Second Deal:

Small pizza is 9.5″

So this is 3.14*(4.75*4.75) or 3.14 * 22.56

This equals: 70.84

However there are two pizzas in this deal so all together its: 141.68″ (70.84*2)

So:

Deal 1 wins  in this case, not only do you get more but you get a garlic bread too (which is like a mini pizza its self)!

Now the next time you fork out for stupidity over priced but nice Dominos pizza, you can get the best value for your fat greedy pizza eating faces.

Relax its maths and Dominos

And i’m only posting this to see how high it gets ranked on google. sick

Just to confirm, Michael jackson is dead. ’E's a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig!’E's kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!!

At least all those impersonators who had surgery and fuck knows what else are gonna rake it in in the years to come.

Alcohol, Its evil

It has been a rather busy weekend to which a lesson has been well and truly learnt by me… alcohol is indeed evil.

Weekend started with a night out on Friday which was where the above lesson was learnt. This particular night was very busy on account of it being 4 people’s birthday, the gothy night at the bear and the rocky dj night at Esquires, so many many people were about. I like and dislike these kinda nights in equal measure, the problem always is that there are loads of people you know about which is great but you wanna have a good chat too all of them an not leave other folks out which is a real pain and you always end up seeming rude by darting off every few minutes.

On this night I drank far too much. As i’v grown older my tolerance for alcohol has reached quite a high level, i spent a good 70-80 quid and that was more or less all on drinks I drank. The problem with this kinda drunk is its brutal, like when you were a kid and a couple of ciders sent you to the moon, it was drunken but manageable and not that damaging. When it takes you about 12+ pints + whatever else then that much shit going into ye body although giving the same drunken effect is defo doing some bad stuff.

I don’t know how proper alcoholics sustain them selves, like those poor bastards that sit on benches drinking tennants all day everyday. I have one heavy night out and i’m fuckin ruined for the next couple of days. I don’t touch alcohol in the week, and i’m glad at the core of it i’m a fairly sensible chap but these binge nights… mid-twenties I think i’v earned my stripes and it may be time for focusing more on healthier pursuits.

Burlesque Night

Saturday night was the Bedford Burlesque night at the Civic Theatre. The whole thing was put together by a friend of mine and what an amazing job she did! It is a very rare and special thing when someone takes an idea and actually does something with it from concept to end result. There is so much chitter chatter ‘wouldn’t this be cool’ ‘i’d love to do that’ going around in the world today and no graft, desire or determination to follow any of it though. Emily broke this trend and with buckets of hard work laid on a fantastic night for about 200 people and is due lots of respect and admiration for managing it.

It was a great night out even though I was very broken from the night before! I did have to leave at the end secretly and skip the after show fun as I think I may of passed out (defo no more binge drinking for me).  Like the night before there were many many people to talk to and everyone was dressed up! It was slightly surreal in a way as you’re used to seeing folks in normal clothes and in certain pubs and suddenly you’re in a theatre hall and everyone you know is all stood there looking all smart.

There was such a good atmosphere going about and from walking around everyone kept saying how much of a great time they were having. The acts were great and I think I ended up ‘getting’ Burlesque dancing which my only real conceptual idea of it before going to the show was ‘birds in retro clothes getting their kit off’ which really was quite a wrong and blunt notion as there is a lot more too it than that.

All in all it was a great time and i’ll be along for the next one, I think i’ll get more in the spirit with my attire then.

Bacon, Its not evil

Last little thing I wanna say is that Bacon is great. I don’t know if i’m just the messiah of bacon sandwiches or what but I make a fuckin good one! Bacon has saved me from many a hangover and with the added accompyment of a strong cup of coffee is just awesome. I feel sorry for the Jewish and Islamic folks out there who’ll never get a chance to tuck into such a nice meal but hey… all the more piggey for the rest of us.

So i’m back from this year’s Download festival and have now done all the essential post festival activities such as having a very long shower!, eating much warm food and tea and having a good sleep in a warm bed. I still feel/look like something out of a George Romero film but i’m steadily recovering.

I’ll break this up into sections, hopefully it’ll make some sort of sense.

Note: I’v left this post for a few days due to the onset of a chest infection and crazy catchup at work!

Weather Reports Fail

So it looked like the entire festival was going to be a complete mud bath and from the start it really did begin to look that way. When we got there on Wednesday the sky opened in the night and much rain was pissed down upon us. This didn’t really effect our campsite as not many people walked through it, the village/market area of the festival however was a different story and I made the trek on Thursday morning to grab my self some wellies, nearly slipping over in the mud several times.

A strange thing happened as soon as I got back from lugging those bastards through swathes of mud, the sun came out and it hasn’t gone away since! I’m never gonna trust 5/10 day forecasts again they’re complete bollox. Now this sun in a matter of hours dried the village area out and from there on things got a little hot, I say a little hot as whatever cruel bastard runs things up there in the heavens,,, they swapped sodden mud torture for blistering heat. I wasnt joking when I said the Romero thing above, I’m rather burnt and really could pass as a fuckin Zombie if you gave me some contact lenses and a ripped shirt.

I can’t complain too much though, i’d much rather be burnt to a crisp then covered in mud! It seems the Download festival has some kinda blessing when it comes to weather.

The Campsite

Normally at these kinda events you go up with a few folks you know quite well and chill out and make chums with ya neighbours and then if they’re not cocks you chill with them too. This year was a little different. There was a convergence of many folks from in and around Bedford some who knew each other well and others who’d never met before or in passing but  all met up and camped in the same spot.

Great it was too! It was nice having that kinda meeting new people feeling but still having a shared location and background. One thing I learnt and am glad I did is that youngens are OK. You see i’m in my mid twenties now, i’v done all the crazy shit and been around the block a few times. As you get older you do seem to develop a natural dislike for people a lot younger than you, just assuming they have nothing to say or are immature etc… A fair few of our camp peeps ranged from 17-20ish age and it must be said I was shocked. Not only did they conduct them selves well they had some really interesting ideas on the life the world, music and everything, I was impressed. I think i’ll have a bit more time for youngens when i’m out drinkin in future instead of just ignoring them.

That said it was welcome to chill out with people more my own age who were in the camp too and I wanna thank Stu Chris and Dais for always being there in the next tent and just being awesome guys I’m glad i got to know ya’ll a bit better (let it carry on!) and Mr Chris for his late evenin teas and just being great and of course Dave for being Dave even thou he was camped off somewhere else .. heh.

All in all a great bunch of folks and the length of the festival was just enough time for personality clashes and irritations to not be an issue, big brother this was not.

The Bands

Funilly enough this might end up being the shortest section of this blog post. 1. since i’m writing it last and i’m bored and 2. bands and performances always tend to be such a personal thing that its not really worth going into in great detail. If you’re after a non biased opinion on the bands then you can read all the Internet reviews and watch who played on youtube.

For me the highlight had to be being really close to see the Prodigy for the first time. I’v been a fan of them since I was quite young and to get to finally see them and in such great form was epic and I’ll remember it always.

Limp Bizkit shocked me a bit. I was expecting to stand there and have a good giggle but in the end found my self really enjoying their show. I’m not a huge fan of their music but the show they put on was really full of energy and done well.

I really enjoyed Static X since i’v not really been into them for a long while and not really liked their last couple of albums but the show they put on really brought back all those memories of their old stuff and why I liked them.

All in all rather good spread of music.

The Swarm!

So we were sat down chillin waiting for Static X to come on and all of a sudden the crowd starts to do something other than cheering, more a kinda ‘ahhhhgh’ sound with the occasional girly screech (you gotta love those girly screeeches, ugh). The sky gets a bit darker so we look up….

Wasps! thousands and thousands of fucking wasps swaming just above us! Now i’v never been stung by a bee, wasp whatever… call me boring I call it playing it safe! I normally nuke those mother fuckers from a distance with whatever aerosole can I can get my hands on. In this case I was caught a bit short and instead took to the ground and pulled out the trusty pac-a-mac and covered my self with it.

After a while the swarm moved over and hovered at the front of the stage as worried festival organisers barked into their walkie talkies on stage. After about 20 minutes or so the swarm all kinda landed in a ball on this railing near the stage which you can kinda see in the photo below,  it was a very strange sight. By this time I think a lot of people had bricked it as there was a clear path to the front of the railings which we took full advantage of and with the Wasps safely tucked up in a cardboard box we watched Static X with a nice clear view of the stage.

Click to enlarge

…the wasps, we solute you.

I’v fuckin lost my phone and they stole my fuckin wallet!

Catchy heading eh? but not to do with me, My wallet was zipped up to buggery and my phone in a box in a zipped compartment in my bag!  This is a tale about my mate Chris and Pete from Bedford and emphasises the good and the evil extremes you get when you stick 70+ thousand people in a field.

When we were at the front of The Prodigy Chris’s phone fell out of his pocket in all the commotion and fell to the ground amongst a sea of pissed up crazy jumpy download festival goers. If it were me i’d of fuckin freaked out by such an event (hence why i kept mine in a a box in a bag zipped up) but when I hooked up with him after they finished he didn’t seem too shaken up.

So we went back to the front of the stage after everyone had headed off and were met by a staggered few miserable types sifting through plastic bottles and dead grass obviously looking in a vain attempt for shit they had also lost.

I decided to give his phone a call at this point not holding much hope for it ringing, never mind an answer! but an answer we got!

It seems in the brief 15-20 minute period between the Prodigy finishing someone had picked up the phone and handed it to a bloke called Ian at the lost property tent about 400 metres away! So we walk over an queue up, more miserable panic ridden types and after a bit of confusion as to who Ian was we got the phone back. The weirdest thing was that there was very little damage to it! a bit of a scratch and some mud! not to shabby for 500-1000 people at the front jumping up and down on it for the best part of an hour.

For every blind bit of luck it seems there is always a story of the not so lucky. Pete a really nice guy I got to know a bit better from Bedford had his ass pick pocketed in the crowd for another band, taking out 80 quid and just chucking his wallet next to his feet! This was after  a day or so before he had found a wallet ditched while walking through the camp site and took the time to hand it into the Police on site!

Just goes to show the world has decent,  nice people and your life can be touched by those lucky moments but then in a heartbeat some cunt dicks on you and ye lucks all but run out.

Shout out to the CC crew

The comfy crappers tent was there again and it must be said these people are true heroes. For those not in the know, the comfy crappers is like a group of sheds you can pay £2.50 to use to do your business. They’re cleaned each time and everything is just awesome. How people can use festival portaloos to crap in is beyond me i’d rather stick a coke can up my arse they go anywhere near those filth cabins. Some may say it’s hardy very rock’n'roll to pay to take a nice peaceful poop but to those people, I dont give a fucking shit (heh) as far as my health is concerned I’ll be as pussified as I like, I’m not the one who’s gonna die of some nasty disease.

This is a bit of a rant. Much to many commentators opinions of how shit Windows Vista is, including the king of all geeks Chris Pirillio I decided to install it back in October. Now I have a very technical job in the IT industry where I develop websites, databases and shit loads of other Internet type solutions (on windows XP i might add) so when I get home all I wanna really do PC wise is check out some websites and maybe play a game or chat to some mates.

For the most part Windows Vista does this alright, well maybe not on the game front as I’v had several games just refuse to work, I can’t claim this is Vista at fault however as I’v never tried them on an XP machine. 

Try ANYTHING, anything else on this pile of shit and all you get is frustration and bullshit. For example today I got a new MP3 player and have been now trying for 3 hours to get 30GB of songs onto it. I’v tried the software that’s come with it and i’v accessed it as a direct link in my computer and every so often what happens, cluck clucjk bang fuck i’m dead vista gives up. It kinda doesnt die and hang if you drag 3-4 albums at a time, which is a cunt to do for about 260 albums and even then it still seems to do it at random. 

I’v now resorted to my server machine which is running XP, and guess what! no fucking problems what so ever. It’s chugging along pumping album after album onto the device with no issue. 

Fuck Windows Vista time after time it just ends up being the operating system equivalent of taking a turd and getting picasso to paint a pretty picture all over it, its still a fucking turd.

Windows XP, Oh look... it works.

So we went to see the new Terminator film with Christian Bale as John Connor on it’s opening night last night. Now we all know Christian Bale is an alcoholic mental swine listen to this when he was filming said film if you don’t believe me, seemingly he was ‘in character’ but we all know hes mad. Anyhoo enough of all that, as long as he blows shit up and stuff who cares right?

I wont go into the plot of the film too much as I have (like many people) a knack of throwing out spoilers, normally unintentionally but sometimes not, usually depending on if i like you or if i’v had much to drink; or a combination of the two. The basic premise is that it is a follow on from the last installment of the franchise set in about 2018  where the now older John Conner is involved in a war against Skynet and all those nasty looking terminator dudes.

The first thing that struck me about this film was the attention to detail and all round awesome way they managed to depict a post apocalyptic future. Imagine the mad max films but more down to earth with a huge budget and you’ll be getting just how good the setting is. There is this constant grey like tint in all the outside scenes which adds to the atmosphere no end without making it too dark. I imagine this might be some kind of digital filter post production but it really sets the scene. Added to the fantastic props and urban somewhat punky like costumes (done well not cheesey) this really is one of the best post apocalyptic settings I have seen done. To those who have played and marvelled at the computer game Fallout 3, just imagine that but in real life. So good was the setting that you kinda get lost in it and don’t notice some of the cheesy dialogue and one liners that is the staple part of any action film for the first hour or so.

I say the first hour or so because trust me on this, the last half of the film does indeed chuck large lumps of cheddar at you from afar in relation to references to the previous installments, some chronic cgi moments and an all round vomit inducing (from all the cheese) ending which tries to pull at your heart strings ( ) but fails, to be honest I laughed and cringed at the same time.

The problem stems like it does in a lot of sequels as far down the line as this is that they start off slow and set the scene, in fact for the first hour you could of never watched any of the previous films and could just get lost in the atmosphere and the action. However they then need to slot their selves into the previous story lines from the previous films before the time is up and to satisfy that need to fit into a chain of events. There is this one part towards the end and you’ll know exactly the bit i’m talking about when you go see it that could of just been left out to save on cheese as whatever ‘expectation’ there was to do it for fans, it just came across as silly. That is not to say the plot does not flow, all parts tie in and you are not left with the ‘wtf’ factor at the end plus they have left the story open for further installments (no surprise there). Half of me thinks they could of taken the back story of the character Sam Worthington plays and done something alot more with it and made the film about that instead of jamming the plot into a box to fit the back story of all the other films. 

It is well worth a watch and is eye candy personified, at its core its a war film and with the settling manages this well. Does it live up to terminator 2? no fucking way I doubt you could, there just isn’t the same heart to it as that film however much money they’v obviously chucked into it.

Mr Bale gets out done and out acted to buggery by Sam Worthington in much the same way Heath Ledger did in the Dark Knight. Its a 12A so don’t expect much in the way of tits, swearing and all out gore, this like many 12A’s means extra explosions, gun fire and dodgy hand to hand combat to offset this (i guess these things don’t warp kids mind’s as much as a nice pair of boobies, go figure).

7/10

So I am going to the Download music festival next week with people, if you are coming and I know you and we have not arranged a meet up then make sure you drop me a message before you set off or be a bit more rock’n'roll and text me when you get there, I guess you could be stone cold rock’n'roll and just think you’ll bump into me on the off chance, amoungst 10′s of thousands of metallers (I don’t quite know how phil managed this in 2007 in the queue but he and ruth did!).

The lineup isn’t my ideal one this year but I am really looking forward to seeing Killswitch Engage again and The Prodigy whom despite being one of my favorite groups of all time, I have yet to ever see live! The return of Limp Bizkit is going to be entertaining, there does seem to be a numetal revival going on at the minute, which is bizarre when you think about it… all those people into Korn, Coal Chamber etc… back in the mid-late 90′s to the early 2000′s are all much older now and must think back on such times with the same nostalgia many older music fans have for groups from the dreaded 80′s.

Everyone always goes off on a rant about the lineups at festivals and I don’t want to really start. For me, as long as there are a few bands I love, a couple I wouldent mind seeing and some surprise gems that really get me listening to them for the first time then i’m happy. Apart from Motorhead and Pendulum I don’t think there was one band last year I wanted to see, and Lethal Bizzle,,, yea he’s not the worse musician on the planet but WTF!

What I really wrote this for

I really wrote this post to share my festival checklist with ya’ll in case you need some help on what to take to a festival like Download. Crossed out ones are previous choices now disregarded.

• Tent – You need one of these unless you are hardcore or just strange
• Sleeping bag – Again pretty essential unless you like the cold
• Ear Plugs – Hardly ‘\m/ ROCK METTTALL’ I know, but if/when you do decide to sleep and the tent next door has some shit black metal blastin away you’ll feel smug
• 2x Toilet rolls - Obvious reasons o..O
• Bin Liners – Totally essential, I split mine like this, 1 food, 1 toiletries, 1 in-tent bin, 1 dirty clothes. The rest you’ll need for ya camp site etc. Buy a whole roll! do it now. 
• mini First Aid kit – Fuckit live dangerously, and if you can’t make it to the St Johns medical tent then that means ya dead or soon to be in an ambulance anyway.
• Torch – Useful, if only for the fact it saves you from all those fucking tent ropes.
• RucSack - No brainer
• Mobile - Essential social tool for meeting people and getting the best out of the festival, dont worrying about batteries they have charge points everywhere. 
• Sun screen – All day in the sun takes it toll
• Hat - I look like a cock in a hat, you feel free to take one if you like.
• Toothbrush – Makes you feel civilised and refreshed in the morning.
• Alcohol gel  - Tottaly 100% fucking essential. They cost about 30p will last you for ages and give you peace of mind and keep you free from plague.
• Soap - When push comes to shove you don’t need this, its impractial unless you have bowls and towls and ugh forget it
• Wet Wipes - Another essential item, 1 maybe 2 packs will do the job of keeping you clean with no mess or fuss.
• Tape - If your tent gets mashed, or anything for that matter gets mashed… buy a new one at the festival.
• Booze - Yes, bollocks to taking booze with you is what I say. Download has a festival village where you can buy beer and its not as expensive as you’d think. Plus you wanna remember the event, you can get royally fucked up at home when you get back. 
• Cup – No brainer
• Mess Tin - No brainer
• Lighters – The ability to start fire is always good, humans have known this for thousands of years
• Pillow – Blow up one will do
• Fags – Even if you don’t smoke you never know when they might come in handy, to give to me if i run out hah.
• Food - Yep, fuck taking food with you as well, I’m loaded and there are loads of places to buy food. I’m taking maybe a box of cereal bars and an apple or two.
• Money – Expect to spent lots of money, if you have none then don’t go.  
• Tooth Paste – works well with the brush.
• 5 Pairs Pants – 4 nights, 1 for emergencies.
• 5 Pairs Socks  - 4 nights, 1 for emergencies
• Deodorant - People who forget this are called cunts and should be executed at the gate.
• Brush – Unless you have no hair
• 2 Pairs Shorts - For wearing
• Jeans - Also for wearing, when its cold
• 4 T-shirts – go on the wed its 5 days, you should without fail buy a festival t shirt so wear that on the last. 
• Jumper – It gets cold
• Small Bottle 500ml – Fill with water when ya out an about
• Large Bottle 2.5 – 3ltr – Fill with water and keep in ya tent so you dont have to make many trips
• Towel - Waste of time
• Day Carry Bag – For phone, bottle shit like that. 
• Sun glasses - It gets sunny, plus sunglasses make everyone look badass. 
• Seat - Easily forgotten but majory essential. 
• Floor Mat - Floor gets very cold in tent
• TICKET – If you don’t take this then you’re a moron and dont deserve the fun of a music festival anyway.
• Tin/Bottle opener  - Glass is banned and you’re an idiot if you take tinned food that isnt a ring pull.
• Pain Killers – Listening to loud metal in the day and teenages screamin ‘TIMMAY’ till 6am takes its toll. 
• Torch Batteries  - Torch should last long enough without more battery’s. If it don’t buy more there. 

The above looks like a big list but its actually mainly essentials. You can get carried away with packing for something like this and end up not being able to walk. You have to remember you’v gotta lug all that shit for at least 2 hours in a queue which being June will probably be blisteringly hot. One person can easily carry all of the above pretty comforably for a long period of time and with the combination of plenty of money the above list’ll do you fine.

Anyhoo hope this post is useful to someone and i’ll see you all at the front going mental with Maxim an Keith!